I retired to Portugal 18 months ago after my husband died. I live on Social Security and a small annuity. People say things like, "Must be nice to retire to Europe. Wish I was rich." I'm not rich. In fact, one of the many reasons I moved to Portugal is because I couldn't afford to live in the U.S. any longer. Living in Portugal isn't as affordable as it was initially due to the devaluation of the dollar thanks to Trump and his tariffs, but I couldn't believe how expensive food was in the U.S. when I went back last fall to visit my family.
But beyond the difference in actually dollars and cents (and Euros), the cost to my sanity was too great in the U.S. Here, people value relationships over earning every possible dollar. Restaurants close in the middle of the day. People stop to have coffee with their friends on the sidewalk cafes. Life is more balanced. I live a simpler life here, because I decided I value freedom and experiences over things. If that's luxury, I'll take it.
Absolutely agree Gail! Portugal has opened my eyes to how I want to live… peaceful, generosity, and kindness at every turn. That’s a luxurious life to me.
Thank you so much for your article. It touched me deeply, especially what you shared about our loyalty to the suffering of the generations that came before us, and the quiet guilt that can arise when we want more from life or allow ourselves to enjoy its riches—however we may define them.
I feel very much the same. The true riches for me are slow, peaceful mornings, meaningful conversations, shared laughter and joy, and love above all.
One thing that has helped me release some of the burden I felt obliged to carry is a line that came to me during my own journey:
"I choose to live as the answer to your prayers, not the echo of your pain."
To me, it honours those who came before us and their struggle and endurance, while allowing us to receive the life they may have longed for but could not fully live themselves.
That section also resonated with me. That anyone who loved us would not want us to live a more luxurious life than they did because we thought a smaller life would honor them.
I love this article and bravely addressing the naysayer that sparked it.
We have enough with the own inner critic ,sheesh. Your writing is fluid and on point.
The scarcity mindset is a tough nut to crack for many. It’s been passed down in our DNA but so has resilience and courage.
The fact is we are all descendants of generations of trauma,poverty,wars, famine, epidemics etc. The fact that we are all survivors is a freaking miracle. And our ancestors are dancing at our good fortune.
I say manifest the life that works for you and shine that light as bright as you can!!! It gives us all permission to do the same!
I love this MaryBeth! It definitely passes down and can leave us trapped in the mindset of our ancestors. We are survivors. To loosen the grip of the past and grab the reins of a new way of living is both freeing and scary, but you’re right, they are cheering us on and are proud of our courage to live life differently 🤍
Oh boy! This one really hit home. I also grew up in poverty and was raised with that scarcity mindset. I can't tell you how many times I heard my mother say "must be nice" when she saw someone with something she considered a "luxury". That mentality, I think, has held me back quite a bit in life. Thank you for reminding me that living the life I want is not a luxury!
Love this! You know we share many common experiences and I've lost count of the times people tell me how I'm living the dream and how lucky I am, but it's more about the choices I've made and what I want from my life. Many women told me they couldn't 'leave' their grandchildren when we moved onto our boat and cruised continuously for 3.5 years and that's their choice. I don't have a house or an expensive car, my husband and I share a wardrobe, so I don't have lots of clothes for different occasions. We live in a small space, but I have time to choose how to spend my days; for the first time in my 68 years, I am the centre of my own life and I'm getting to know myself in ways I've never done before. There are times when I feel guilty that I have few responsibilities, but I raised 3 children who are now raising their children and I see them as often as I can. I recognise that window where my parents are gone, my children are in their later 40s and I'm well and active, so now is my time and if I don't grasp it, it'll be too late. Enjoy every minute of your life now Jada; rest well, enjoy your good health and your relationship. Embrace life and every little thing that makes you happy 💛
This so resonates Karen. I sometimes get the same comments like how could we “leave”? I keep coming back to the reframe of saying but how are we “leading” our now grown children by modeling living our own lives. By the same token that I would wish anyone to live the life of their own choosing, I can see how our children indeed want the same for us. It’s freeing for us both to be encouraged to spread wings and fly. Like you, I am just starting to unravel what brings me joy - and give myself permission to add more of it in. I would wish this for anyone. You keep doing the same Karen and keep exploring new and exciting ways to live your beautiful adventure filled life! 🙌🏻🤍💫
I wonder how many people and women's particularly are living their lives in a perpetual fawn response, tending to everyone else's needs before their own. This was true of me and it took me years to tolerate the discomfort of following my own path. Keep giving ourselves permission to find joy, peace, contentment and fun in our lives 💫💛
Thanks for this post. The truth is that life rewards courage and what you did took a lot of courage. The “must be nice” crowd often does have the same opportunities, but not the courage. Enjoy your life!! It’s yours to enjoy, not anyone else’s.
Such a beautiful, raw and honest piece. I can relate and I've been on a similar journey myself. There's something here about giving ourselves permission to embrace joy and truly live life on our own terms. It's life long work of reflection and kindness to ourselves 🥰
The part about keeping the floors clean out of loyalty to people who never had them — I couldn't move past that.
I've been sitting with a version of that same weight. The sense that ease is somehow a betrayal of the people who worked harder and had less. It doesn't announce itself as guilt. It just keeps you moving when you could stop.
That part got me too. I think this is such a common thing. The feeling that you are somehow betraying a life that someone you love worked hard to build just because you took what they built for you and built on top of it, which was the whole point of what they were building in the first place. Some of the things that sometimes make me feel guilty about the life I've built are exactly the things that would make my mom or my grandparents feel proud of the life they built that made it possible for me to do and be and have the life I have.
The struggle is figuring out how to honor the sacrifice by succeeding without forgetting it was only possible because of them. I think about my grandmother all the time when I sit with that.
This is such a beautiful, vital reminder. The weight of inherited guilt—the feeling that we are lazy or undeserving if we aren't constantly hustling or optimizing our time—is an exhausting trap to live in.Shifting the entire narrative away from what society tells us we 'should' be doing and focusing instead on simple, un-apologetic peace of mind changes everything.Realizing that you are fully allowed to be here, to rest, and to build a life that actually lets you sleep at night is the ultimate success story. Thank you for sharing your voice and your practice with the global community!
Thank you so very much h for your kind words. It truly is a shifting of the narrative as you suggest. Finding and following our own path after decades of aping what others needed or expected me to is incredibly liberating. I aways remind my clients that guilt is an emotion of a “perceived wrong” and there is. nothing wrong about loving yourself and it’s ok to let it go. I need the reminders at time myself 🤍
That reminder about guilt is so profound—I am definitely tucking that away! It really is incredibly liberating when you stop mimicking what the world expects and start building your own path on your own terms. Thank you for such a beautiful, grounded reflection. 🌍☕
This resonated with me as I too am deeply conditioned by my upbringing to have to “earn” my rest. Since retirement I have grappled with taking time to do things that are not considered being productive by society. The guilt that comes with it has me up and doing something to check a box on my to do list. Thank you for helping to reframe my thinking and for giving me a permission slip to spend my time as I choose without guilt. Enjoy your posts, thank you!
Yes! Me too. This idea that we can't just relax and have fun if there is anything else we could possibly be doing, which there is. The line about interrogating our joy like it needs a permit was the one that made me sit up and go...yep, I totally do that.
I love hearing this. 🙌🏻 I know I still struggle with this at times. Learning to let things go and find a new rhythm with life takes some doing. Enjoy your time - no guilt allowed 🤍
Wow, your writing brought tears to my eyes. I retired three months ago at the age of 57 with a pension. I’m finally beginning to allow myself just to be without feeling the guilt of having to be productive every hour of every day. I know I am lucky to have retired earlier than a lot of my colleagues but I had planned for this for years (thank you Dave Ramsey). I agree that luxury doesn’t necessarily mean the same thing to everyone. I have so enjoyed having more time to go on mid week hikes with friends, out to lunches with my son, and lingering meet ups with old friends. After my daughter graduates HS in two years my husband and I are planning to sell everything and slow travel around the world. And you are right, you do have to take that leap of faith knowing that a more fulfilling life may be out there. I think most of have to work on overcoming the guilt that comes with living what we consider a good life. Thank you for your writing. I look forward to reading it every week! 😊
Thank you Debbie for such a lovely comment. How awesome you are finding nite time to just be and enjoy yourself. And how wonderful you and you husband are going to leap into the world to travel and let life come up to meet you where you are! 🤍🙌🏻
This so resonated with me! Especially the fact that my parents are not with us anymore and also came from a humble background. My mother used to say to me when I was a restless adolescent: ‘go and explore, for I couldn’t’ So I tell myself that they are proud of me, no matter what jumps in to the unknown I am still making 💗! And I don’t wait for a permit from anyone else to do so 😅!!!
Wonderful post! I find it interesting (and very relatable) that the word “luxury” created that powerful reaction. Why WOULDN’T you deserve luxury? Why wouldn’t we wish that for everyone?? I wish you a lifetime of luxuries, whatever that means for you! 🩷
When I was fired for the first time in my life, 2 months before we were to move out of state (also a first for me!), it became the opportunity for me to start my Coaching and Speaking business Rebel Soul Living. I love the idea of looking at it as a luxury. Because tbh, most days it doesn't feel that way! I appreciate the insight to the potential mindset shift! Also, one of the coaches I follow - Amanda Frances - has taught me that anything that catches out attention, like the strangers comment had you going over it again again and again, is showing us where there may be healing needed. I don't know how true that feels for you, or if it applies to this situation but it was what came to mind as I was reading your article. Here's to the Luxurious Life!! Cheers!
It takes courage to follow our dreams and take action to make them a reality. Thank you for an inspiring story and a new perspective on being open to receiving abudance without guilt 💜
I retired to Portugal 18 months ago after my husband died. I live on Social Security and a small annuity. People say things like, "Must be nice to retire to Europe. Wish I was rich." I'm not rich. In fact, one of the many reasons I moved to Portugal is because I couldn't afford to live in the U.S. any longer. Living in Portugal isn't as affordable as it was initially due to the devaluation of the dollar thanks to Trump and his tariffs, but I couldn't believe how expensive food was in the U.S. when I went back last fall to visit my family.
But beyond the difference in actually dollars and cents (and Euros), the cost to my sanity was too great in the U.S. Here, people value relationships over earning every possible dollar. Restaurants close in the middle of the day. People stop to have coffee with their friends on the sidewalk cafes. Life is more balanced. I live a simpler life here, because I decided I value freedom and experiences over things. If that's luxury, I'll take it.
Absolutely agree Gail! Portugal has opened my eyes to how I want to live… peaceful, generosity, and kindness at every turn. That’s a luxurious life to me.
Thank you so much for your article. It touched me deeply, especially what you shared about our loyalty to the suffering of the generations that came before us, and the quiet guilt that can arise when we want more from life or allow ourselves to enjoy its riches—however we may define them.
I feel very much the same. The true riches for me are slow, peaceful mornings, meaningful conversations, shared laughter and joy, and love above all.
One thing that has helped me release some of the burden I felt obliged to carry is a line that came to me during my own journey:
"I choose to live as the answer to your prayers, not the echo of your pain."
To me, it honours those who came before us and their struggle and endurance, while allowing us to receive the life they may have longed for but could not fully live themselves.
Thank you for this beautiful and touching comment, Sabine. I love your quote. It’s very powerful 🤍
That section also resonated with me. That anyone who loved us would not want us to live a more luxurious life than they did because we thought a smaller life would honor them.
I love this article and bravely addressing the naysayer that sparked it.
We have enough with the own inner critic ,sheesh. Your writing is fluid and on point.
The scarcity mindset is a tough nut to crack for many. It’s been passed down in our DNA but so has resilience and courage.
The fact is we are all descendants of generations of trauma,poverty,wars, famine, epidemics etc. The fact that we are all survivors is a freaking miracle. And our ancestors are dancing at our good fortune.
I say manifest the life that works for you and shine that light as bright as you can!!! It gives us all permission to do the same!
I love this MaryBeth! It definitely passes down and can leave us trapped in the mindset of our ancestors. We are survivors. To loosen the grip of the past and grab the reins of a new way of living is both freeing and scary, but you’re right, they are cheering us on and are proud of our courage to live life differently 🤍
Oh boy! This one really hit home. I also grew up in poverty and was raised with that scarcity mindset. I can't tell you how many times I heard my mother say "must be nice" when she saw someone with something she considered a "luxury". That mentality, I think, has held me back quite a bit in life. Thank you for reminding me that living the life I want is not a luxury!
Love this! You know we share many common experiences and I've lost count of the times people tell me how I'm living the dream and how lucky I am, but it's more about the choices I've made and what I want from my life. Many women told me they couldn't 'leave' their grandchildren when we moved onto our boat and cruised continuously for 3.5 years and that's their choice. I don't have a house or an expensive car, my husband and I share a wardrobe, so I don't have lots of clothes for different occasions. We live in a small space, but I have time to choose how to spend my days; for the first time in my 68 years, I am the centre of my own life and I'm getting to know myself in ways I've never done before. There are times when I feel guilty that I have few responsibilities, but I raised 3 children who are now raising their children and I see them as often as I can. I recognise that window where my parents are gone, my children are in their later 40s and I'm well and active, so now is my time and if I don't grasp it, it'll be too late. Enjoy every minute of your life now Jada; rest well, enjoy your good health and your relationship. Embrace life and every little thing that makes you happy 💛
This so resonates Karen. I sometimes get the same comments like how could we “leave”? I keep coming back to the reframe of saying but how are we “leading” our now grown children by modeling living our own lives. By the same token that I would wish anyone to live the life of their own choosing, I can see how our children indeed want the same for us. It’s freeing for us both to be encouraged to spread wings and fly. Like you, I am just starting to unravel what brings me joy - and give myself permission to add more of it in. I would wish this for anyone. You keep doing the same Karen and keep exploring new and exciting ways to live your beautiful adventure filled life! 🙌🏻🤍💫
I wonder how many people and women's particularly are living their lives in a perpetual fawn response, tending to everyone else's needs before their own. This was true of me and it took me years to tolerate the discomfort of following my own path. Keep giving ourselves permission to find joy, peace, contentment and fun in our lives 💫💛
There’s quite a few of us out there relearning what it is to love ourselves and live our truth 🤍
Thanks for this post. The truth is that life rewards courage and what you did took a lot of courage. The “must be nice” crowd often does have the same opportunities, but not the courage. Enjoy your life!! It’s yours to enjoy, not anyone else’s.
Such a beautiful, raw and honest piece. I can relate and I've been on a similar journey myself. There's something here about giving ourselves permission to embrace joy and truly live life on our own terms. It's life long work of reflection and kindness to ourselves 🥰
I love how you say it’s a “kindness to ourselves” . Beautiful 🤍
The part about keeping the floors clean out of loyalty to people who never had them — I couldn't move past that.
I've been sitting with a version of that same weight. The sense that ease is somehow a betrayal of the people who worked harder and had less. It doesn't announce itself as guilt. It just keeps you moving when you could stop.
Exactly this. And with that knowledge comes the power to make different choices 🤍
That part got me too. I think this is such a common thing. The feeling that you are somehow betraying a life that someone you love worked hard to build just because you took what they built for you and built on top of it, which was the whole point of what they were building in the first place. Some of the things that sometimes make me feel guilty about the life I've built are exactly the things that would make my mom or my grandparents feel proud of the life they built that made it possible for me to do and be and have the life I have.
The struggle is figuring out how to honor the sacrifice by succeeding without forgetting it was only possible because of them. I think about my grandmother all the time when I sit with that.
My grandmother would have never let me forget that it was only possible because of her. hahaha. She was a pill. 🤣
This is such a beautiful, vital reminder. The weight of inherited guilt—the feeling that we are lazy or undeserving if we aren't constantly hustling or optimizing our time—is an exhausting trap to live in.Shifting the entire narrative away from what society tells us we 'should' be doing and focusing instead on simple, un-apologetic peace of mind changes everything.Realizing that you are fully allowed to be here, to rest, and to build a life that actually lets you sleep at night is the ultimate success story. Thank you for sharing your voice and your practice with the global community!
Thank you so very much h for your kind words. It truly is a shifting of the narrative as you suggest. Finding and following our own path after decades of aping what others needed or expected me to is incredibly liberating. I aways remind my clients that guilt is an emotion of a “perceived wrong” and there is. nothing wrong about loving yourself and it’s ok to let it go. I need the reminders at time myself 🤍
That reminder about guilt is so profound—I am definitely tucking that away! It really is incredibly liberating when you stop mimicking what the world expects and start building your own path on your own terms. Thank you for such a beautiful, grounded reflection. 🌍☕
Yes, I’m still learning how to let go of the guilt! Thank you for sharing your thoughts …I’m glad it resonated for you 💫
It really is a daily practice for all of us! Thank you for being so beautifully honest and creating this space. Have a wonderful weekend ahead! 🌍☕
Ah. Thank you so much for such a kind comment! Have a great weekend 💫
This resonated with me as I too am deeply conditioned by my upbringing to have to “earn” my rest. Since retirement I have grappled with taking time to do things that are not considered being productive by society. The guilt that comes with it has me up and doing something to check a box on my to do list. Thank you for helping to reframe my thinking and for giving me a permission slip to spend my time as I choose without guilt. Enjoy your posts, thank you!
Yes! Me too. This idea that we can't just relax and have fun if there is anything else we could possibly be doing, which there is. The line about interrogating our joy like it needs a permit was the one that made me sit up and go...yep, I totally do that.
Thanks Vivian, I had the same reaction to the line about interrogating our joy…helps to know that others out there grapple with this too.
I love hearing this. 🙌🏻 I know I still struggle with this at times. Learning to let things go and find a new rhythm with life takes some doing. Enjoy your time - no guilt allowed 🤍
Wow, your writing brought tears to my eyes. I retired three months ago at the age of 57 with a pension. I’m finally beginning to allow myself just to be without feeling the guilt of having to be productive every hour of every day. I know I am lucky to have retired earlier than a lot of my colleagues but I had planned for this for years (thank you Dave Ramsey). I agree that luxury doesn’t necessarily mean the same thing to everyone. I have so enjoyed having more time to go on mid week hikes with friends, out to lunches with my son, and lingering meet ups with old friends. After my daughter graduates HS in two years my husband and I are planning to sell everything and slow travel around the world. And you are right, you do have to take that leap of faith knowing that a more fulfilling life may be out there. I think most of have to work on overcoming the guilt that comes with living what we consider a good life. Thank you for your writing. I look forward to reading it every week! 😊
Thank you Debbie for such a lovely comment. How awesome you are finding nite time to just be and enjoy yourself. And how wonderful you and you husband are going to leap into the world to travel and let life come up to meet you where you are! 🤍🙌🏻
Maybe midlife luxury is simply this: finally allowing your life to feel good without submitting it for approval first.
This so resonated with me! Especially the fact that my parents are not with us anymore and also came from a humble background. My mother used to say to me when I was a restless adolescent: ‘go and explore, for I couldn’t’ So I tell myself that they are proud of me, no matter what jumps in to the unknown I am still making 💗! And I don’t wait for a permit from anyone else to do so 😅!!!
I love this! Not waiting for a permit!! 🙌🏻
It was literally that interrogating our joy like it needs a permit line that made me stop and go...dang, I do that. I do that all the time.
Wonderful post! I find it interesting (and very relatable) that the word “luxury” created that powerful reaction. Why WOULDN’T you deserve luxury? Why wouldn’t we wish that for everyone?? I wish you a lifetime of luxuries, whatever that means for you! 🩷
Thank you Lori! I wish you the same… 🤍💫
When I was fired for the first time in my life, 2 months before we were to move out of state (also a first for me!), it became the opportunity for me to start my Coaching and Speaking business Rebel Soul Living. I love the idea of looking at it as a luxury. Because tbh, most days it doesn't feel that way! I appreciate the insight to the potential mindset shift! Also, one of the coaches I follow - Amanda Frances - has taught me that anything that catches out attention, like the strangers comment had you going over it again again and again, is showing us where there may be healing needed. I don't know how true that feels for you, or if it applies to this situation but it was what came to mind as I was reading your article. Here's to the Luxurious Life!! Cheers!
It takes courage to follow our dreams and take action to make them a reality. Thank you for an inspiring story and a new perspective on being open to receiving abudance without guilt 💜
Thank you for your kind words 🤍